Author Patricia Hickman & Her Most Desperate Hour

The Power of Solitude

By Patricia Hickman

After the loss of our daughter, everything inside of me shifted never to return to the same shape again. I had loved noise and activity and being around crowds of people. Suddenly, my tolerance for clamor evaporated. I had to find time alone. The first time I went away on a retreat to practice spiritual solitude my goal was not to be needed by anyone. But what awaited me was a surprise.

The first day I knelt in a quiet room overlooking a rose garden. I was acquainted with practicing God’s presence, seeking God in a waiting posture, not asking for anything. So I did that until the silence became nearly deafening. Restlessness set in. I paced. After two days of solitude, I moved out to the rose gardens where I journaled. By the third day, though, I was finally beginning to relax and become accustomed to the silence. That is when I first noticed God speaking to me. Had he been doing that all along?

Next God showed me the condition of my own soul. Realize women are already innately racked with guilt. But when God examined me, I sensed a benevolent soul hovering over me, guiding me to understand why I stumble or why I keep taking the same hills. It was a necessary examination. Next came the realization of those whom I had wounded. The latter part of that confessional practice—recognizing those I’ve wounded--had eluded me most of the time because I lived in a continual clamor. So as I began to repent, a deep sense of sorrow followed.

From that time on, I began to find creative ways to practice solitude in God’s presence. When I left behind the noise of everyday life, I realized God has been talking to me when I thought he had fallen cruelly silent. But the noisy place where I lived prevented me from hearing him. I realized that when I’m home and allowing my life to spin out of the busyness of activities, I can easily adopt pseudo-spirituality. I justify my actions, anger, judgmental attitudes if I measure my life by the life of other flawed humans. But when I seek him in solitude, then I no longer have others around me as my measuring stick, just the measure of my own sin-sick life against the radiance of Christ.

In the past, I would breathe a quick prayer in the morning, rattle off a generic “forgive me of all my sins,” and then hit the day, guns-a-blazing. But what I learned through this new practice of solitude was my own need to offer up everything to God for his examination. The more I practiced it, the more I found myself inviting his examination of me throughout the day. And that is when I discovered an amazing lightness of being I had not known in all of my striving—a condition the Bible calls God’s “perfect peace.” In my most desperate hour, I finally understood what scripture means by God’s “gentle whisper.”

"The Lord said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.' Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper … " (1 Kings 19: 11-13) --Patricia

Thanks for sharing so candidly, Patricia. Perfect peace is attractive to us all in this hasty, bizzy world. Your "guns-ablazing" definitely matches my style. I don't often seek God in silence. You've given me something to consider. Thanks.

And here's the cover of Patricia's latest book. I gave it 5 stars when I reviewed it on GoodReads, not something I do very often.--Lyn

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